so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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