Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
oh god the rape fog is back!
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
