I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
