i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
