she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
