She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
