I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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