the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
