I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
