I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
