Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
