No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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