Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
