I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
