so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
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