We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
