So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Randomize
