Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
