I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
