he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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