I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
