dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
