I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I just forgot I was standing up.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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