also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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