Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize