at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Everyone says I win the strip club
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
