I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
