i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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