The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
