What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize