Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
