Is it normal to miss your booty call?
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
