Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
