Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
