cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
