I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
