i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Can vaginas get frostbite?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
