I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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