Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
