Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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