so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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