Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
