Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
no you cant smoke seaweed
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
My day in three words: secret purse cake
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
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