I just pynch a tree in the face
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
