Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
