I'm jealous of your bromance
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
