just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
