We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
