craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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