stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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