I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
When are your genitals available?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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