It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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