I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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