He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
