We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
