The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Randomize
