Can i not drive my cunt home
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize