apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
