I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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