I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
