I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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