By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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