The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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