So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
