She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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