what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
