Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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