I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
