I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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