just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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