I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
